Surprises

I will never forget the day that I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our second child. I let fear completely take over. I didn’t think I could handle an infant being born around the busiest time of the year (December), and pack and move and buy a house and take care of my toddler and husband. I guess that’s why a year later, I can remember the exact date I found out.

Thankfully I did not stay in that state of fear. Although it was a fight every day to believe God’s promises, that He knows what’s best for me and will give me the grace for everything He’s called me to. I cannot say I didn’t struggle and argue with God and give into discouragement and self-pity. Thankfully, by the time our little Jasmine was due to be born I was filled with joy and anticipation.

It’s been 3 months since her birth, and all the crazy, difficult things that I was afraid of have passed. Well, we’re still waiting for the house to be finished, but Christmas is over, Jasmine is born, we moved in with my Mother-in-law and closed on the house. Through it all I’ve realized, God didn’t bring Jasmine into my life to make it harder, He did it to make it better.

I am ashamed to say that I kind of live as if I don’t really believe God loves me. How do I know this? Well, when God surprises me, my first thought is not excitement as I wonder how this will make my life better, but complaining, as I wonder how this will make my life harder.

Thank you Lord for giving me Jasmine, a beautiful example of your love for me, my surprise blessing. Help me to remember your love for me in every unexpected turn of events.

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