I work in an industry that prey’s on the insecurities of women.
“Lose 30lbs in thirty days…”
“Get those defined abs…”
“Build a bigger booty…”
It’s never said, but the whispers in our mind fills in the end: “And THEN you will be worthy.”
And that’s just the fitness side. Come over to the business side with me, we have a whole other list of things to offer to those searching for their worth:
“Earn six-figures from home..”
“Become a social media influencer with thousands of followers…”
“Climb the ranks in the company, we’ll put medals around your neck and your name up in lights…”
“Save your family from debt & poverty…”
And then, you’ll be worthy.
But it’s not just my industry.
In school it was “get the grades” or “have the friends” or “win the sports”.
In church it was “obey the rules” or “be on the service team or worship team.”
In marriage: “be the perfect wife.”
In motherhood: “play with your kids, only with wooden toys, in an all white, spotless nursery and have a pantry stocked with organic snacks.”
Do it all, do it perfectly, and look smoking hot while you do.
And we hustle and we buy and we search.
Maybe if I get this concealer or that curling iron? Maybe this diet will work – or that fancy organizer will help? I just need to read one more blog post about a minimalist wardrobe and it will all finally fall into place because the reason my life is crazy is because it takes too long for me to get dressed in the morning. Right??
We end up a discouraged, disenchanted mess. We crave self-care, but the truth is we are the generation with the most conveniences, free time and disposable income of all time, and yet we are constantly exhausted and anxious.
The more I dig into this in my own life and the more conversations I have with others – the more I realize – we are exhausted because we are constantly STRIVING for our worth (even if the exhaustion is simply the mental stress we cary around, and the never ending list of things we SHOULD be or be doing).
We are lonely because running around trying to PROVE our worth is more important to us that slowing down and simply being with people and giving them the opportunity of seeing us in our imperfections.
The Worthy Project (a virtual group I led where women from various backgrounds shared their stories of how they struggled to feel worthy and ways they are growing and healing from that) has confirmed for me what a systemic problem this is. But honestly I didn’t even need to host a group or hear from other’s to know that the temptation to put my worth in things like:
- my weight
- my skin
- my gender
- my ability to please others
- my home
- my bank account
- my status at work
- my kid’s success or behavior
The path to healing isn’t easy. I am only just a short way down this path, but here is what it has looked like for me so far:
- realizing the problem
- being wrecked by it and seeing it everywhere in my life
- feeling overwhelmed and having no idea where to begin to heal
- seeking out truth, reminding myself where my worth lies
- having conversations with other women on a similar journey
- go back to step one, repeat
This journey to worthiness is one of belief and mastering the mind. It is slow and deliberate, it is painful and powerful.
But it is important.
I have this glorious vision of who I want to be – and it isn’t a picture of the perfect mom with a thriving business who dresses in the latest fashion and always has something delicious cooking (I wish).
My vision is of a worthiness warrior. Who shows up for her life – unafraid of failure, unafraid of other’s opinions. Bold – yet compassionate.
A woman who can step on the scale, see a weight gain and look at her self square in the mirror and smile and say “beautiful.”
A woman who can sit with a child throwing a tantrum in a messy room and take a deep breath and remember: “I am doing the best I can.”
A woman who can work hard toward a business goal and in the end fall short, and hold her head up high and say: “I am enough.”
A woman who can make mistakes, not be approved of by everyone and still sing out: “worthy.”
That’s who I’m fighting to become. And I can still help women get healthy and love their bodies (ps- the most sustainable health changes come from a place of self-love rather than self-loathing) and I can still help women build incredible business from home – because the most successful coaches are broken women on a journey of healing.
It’s not the industry, church, culture or school that’s the problem, it’s us. When we place our worth where it never should have been – but here’s the great thing. Our wonderful heavenly Father – He makes beauty out of ashes – he takes hearts of stone and turns them into hearts of flesh. He gives us a new identity – He speaks life over us – He reminds us WHO we are. He picks us up, broken and damaged, with the words “Not ENOUGH” still ringing in our ears and He says “Mine.” “Beloved.” “Daughter.”
My confidence is not in my ability to heal myself, but His truth setting me free.
So, are you ready to dive into that truth and freedom with me and become a Worthiness Warrior?
Here’s my plan for the next three months:
Read Always Enough | Never Too Much devotional daily.
Send one message a day to another woman, reminding her of her worth.
Pray daily for the LIGHT and LOVE of Christ to break through the darkness.
Practice gratitude daily.
Will this cure me? Probably not overnight….but I’ve been doing this for the past two months already – and I have seen a huge difference in my thoughts and my emotions. I have seen the light piercing through the darkness. I have seen gratitude well up in the middle of bitter circumstances. I have seen other women brighten as I remind them of their worth. I have cried tears of a prisoner set free as I read the life giving words in my devotional.
I think I’m on the right path.