A Letter to Myself – three kids ago

Dear First Time Mommy Vanessa,

I know you are scared. I know you are waking up all throughout the night to make sure the baby is still breathing. I know you are tracking every single feeding, diaper and nap on that baby app. I know you are doing it out of love.

You want that baby to thrive. You’ve never done anything this BIG before. Another human’s LIFE depends on you now and that scares the shit out of you.

I also know how much you love hate advice, but I’m going to give it to you anyway.

  1. Another life depends on you now.
    So don’t forget about yourself. Don’t forget to shower, sleep, eat well, get outside, enjoy time with friends. I know it seems like a lot of unnecessary work to brush your hair and put on a fresh pair of clothes, but YOU are the center of this little life’s world. You need to be strong, positive, happy, vibrant and focused – that only happens if you take your eyes off the baby, put him down for a few minutes and do a little self-care.
  2. Listen to your instincts.
    Ya, I know you read all those books and you understand baby sleeping patterns now, but those books don’t know YOU or your baby. You do. You are his mama for a reason. He and you are inexplicably connected and you will understand things deep in your soul that no expert can tell you. Your motherly instincts and good and true – stop doubting yourself and looking to others to validate what you know deep inside. If it feels right to pick him up, pick him up. If he seems hungry – even though he ate one hour ago – feed him. Babies are people, and people aren’t robots.
  3. Parenting is about love, everything else is gravy
    How you feed him. Where he sleeps. What he wears. These things seem monumentally important, and they are somewhat – but the main factor between children who struggle and children who thrive is LOVE. Nothing else, nothing more. Love him and show him how you love Jesus and how you love your husband and how you love yourself and the rest is just gravy. Stop stressing about doing parenting “right” and look into those beautiful baby eyes and tell him how much you love him. Look into your Bible and strengthen your marriage. Focus on LOVE and the rest will fall into place.
  4. Enjoy this time
    Oh wait, I remember  – you totally did. Even with all the extra stressing and tracking and making yourself crazy trying to follow the advice of books and others you did a pretty good job of enjoying that first baby. Smelling his sweet smell, tickling his soft, round belly and chubby thighs. I guess that’s something we both have in common, no matter how many worries you had with the first, or how much craziness I have now with the fourth, we know that this stage won’t last forever and we are doing all we can to soak it in.

Cheers! first time mommy Vanessa – you probably won’t  believe me, but this motherhood thing actually gets sweeter and sweeter as the years go by and these kiddos are some of the most brilliant, funny, kind and amazing humans you’ll ever meet.

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