If only high school and college Vanessa had known.
If I would have known that the days of sitting in my room with my guitar, an open notebook and a bleeding heart were numbered.
If I would have known that the days where I would spend EVERY summer afternoon playing touch football and ultimate frisbee were coming to an end.
Creativity, passion, sweat, laughter, writing, creating and hours of physical activity gave way to a desk, a job, a computer, office politics, exhaustion.
The physical movement and heart-filling creativity that SO marked my highschool and college days and gave me LIFE – were gone.
I barely noticed their slow fade…this was just part of growing up, wasn’t it? Paying my own bills was exciting, getting married, first apartment, learning how to be an adult (kinda still feel like I’m learning that), having kids, barely sleeping – and then one day, it hit me.
I just felt it. The loss.
I lost a part of me.
Working out regularly has brought some of that back.
Writing in this blog, being a Beachbody coach and beginning to homeschool my kids has brought some of it back.
Of course it will never be like it was.
I don’t want it to be, but I am determined to chase after what for so long made me feel alive – fueled the light behind my eyes.
It’s not selfish – it’s not me trying to go back in time – it’s just the way I was created.
I’m not sure what that means. I wish I could title this blog post: 5 Ways to Nurture Your Creative Passions and Re-Capture the Adrenaline of Playing Sports With a Job and a Family and Responsibilities of An Adult (it’s a working title). But I don’t have the answers. All I have is the realization that I lost something, and it’s ok, but I want to get some of it back. I don’t want to get swallowed up in “adult life” and neglect part of who I am because “that’s what adults do”.
Stay tuned (and if you have any advice or thoughts…comment below)…Growing up is awesome and hard – you’d think at 29 years old I’d have figured this out, but despite what my high-school self thought – 30 isn’t as old as it appears. I still feel very much like I’m trying to find myself, trying to settled on how to spend my time, how to raise my kids, how to run my business – but….I suppose – if by God’s grace I make it to 70….I’m not even half way there yet.