Victim? I don’t think so….

It’s late on a Saturday night, I’m at Starbucks – freezing! (why do they keep this place so cold?) red cup in hand, lap top open, pen and paper right beside. Working away, without Sesame Street playing the background, a child asking me for a snack, or trying to turn my neatly organized work papers into works of art. It is GLORIOUS!

As I sit and work and mull over various conversations I’ve had throughout the day I keep coming back to this general sentiment I’ve noticed in several people I’ve spoken with: I’m a victim.

I have TOTALLY been there! In tears, feeling like it’s not fair, and then in desperation, just letting it happen, because – what can I do about it? I’m trapped in the current of a hectic life, holding my breath and closing my eyes and praying I make it.

But I wanted to write this blog post, because I’ve begun to live a different reality.
What I’m about to write isn’t going to be easy to hear – and you probably won’t believe me at first.
It took me a few listens to ‘get it’, but even if this is just the first of many hearings for you, I feel compelled to share.

Your life is what YOU, and you alone, CHOOSE.

You don’t always get what you want, but you ALWAYS get what you chose. Any limitation that you feel, is SELF-IMPOSED.

It’s so easy to find reasons outside of ourselves for why things aren’t working out. And it might even feel good to skirt responsibility, but because we can’t control what others do, it leaves us in a hopeless and ‘victim’ mentality. As hard as it may be to take responsibility for your life, once you do there is POWER, because YOU can control your own actions.

Let’s take the example of your personal health.

Tell me how busy you are, tell me all the reasons outside of yourself, why you can’t exercise on a regular basis, but when it comes down to it, YOU choose when you wake up. If you CHOOSE to, you could wake up at 5am and do your workout then. But instead, you are CHOOSING not to prioritize your health THAT much to get up at that hour every day. That’s fine!! But don’t tell me how it’s everyone else’s fault why you aren’t working out consistently. You aren’t working out consistently because you refuse to CHOOSE to do it. If YOU wanted to, if you were motivated and determined enough, you could do it. It all comes down to YOUR choice. Yes, that’s hard to hear, but isn’t it GREAT too! The power to change is in YOUR hands.

Maybe I’m feeling a little feisty tonight, maybe I’ve just heard so many excuses in my line of work, maybe I truly feel sad for the many people I speak to on a regular basis, who TRULY feel like they are a victim and there is no hope – they can NEVER get to whatever goal it is that they want. Even if it’s just that they wish they could spend some time getting to know their neighbors (like my neighbor expressed to me this evening). She was actually talking to me like she wanted to get together with her neighbors so badly and yet it would just NEVER happen because she was so busy. The sound of her voice and look on her face was almost like there was some sort of governmental ban on socializing with your neighbors and she was stuck in this prison of solidarity. I’m just standing there thinking – “What is stopping you? Are you really THAT busy that you can’t even find 2 hours one weeknight and invite them over for coffee? No, that not true. If you needed to go to a doctor’s appointment, or get your oil changed, or buy a new outfit for an event, you just make the time for it. YOU choose what you want to do with your time, your money, your talent, and what you put in your mouth. PERIOD. No one else makes that choice for you.” Stop feeling like you are a victim…it’s just not true. Your limits are set by your mindset, change your mind and you will change your life.

Get away from the victim mentality, find a way to chase your dreams, and I’m telling you – it will be AMAZING how many things you thought were beyond your control start to change for the better.

I hope this isn’t offensive to anyone, I share this because it brought FREEDOM and life and a new hope into my life during a very dark time. Every single person is full of potential and greatness, doubt and fear of failure kill that greatness – and if this post is the kick in the pants you need to realize that you don’t have to let that happen anymore, THAT is my greatest hope.


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