I like being productive. No, I love it.
I’m a to-do list junkie. An old boss of mine used to say that I could conquer the world with my lists.
I’ve been a mom for almost 2 years, and I’m still not sure what being a productive mom looks like.
I feel like everything I do all day is the opposite of productive (as Dr. Doofenshmirtz would say: totally ductive…sorry, Phineas and Ferb-isms float in my head all day)
I make food for my kids, dirtying dishes, then I wash the dishes, then it’s time to eat again so I dirty them again.
I clean my son’s room, then we play with toys and the room gets dirty, then we clean it again.
The cycle happens every single day in every single area of my life. I grocery shop to fill the fridge then I get home and we eat everything, so I have to do it again.
I love being a mom, but the productive monster inside me is restless. When will I make progress on a project? When will I actually clean the parts of my house that I didn’t just get dirty the same day? I feel like I’m a hamster running in a wheel. Always busy, always working, never really moving forward.
I guess the area that I see the most progress in is my kids. Samuel learning new words, Jasmine starting to army crawl across the floor. Introducing new foods in her diet, moving Samuel to his big bed. Maybe that’s why I love doctor’s apointments so much. It almost feels like a test. They check the vitals of this little human you’ve been nurturing, and they check their abilities, things they are learning and doing, and at the end, if they’ve done well and are progressing, I feel so validated. All my hard work is producing something.
I know that I should feel validated in Christ – that He has called me to this job and that the calling of a Mother is a valuable one because of Him, not my work. But to be honest, I still long to be productive, make good use of my time, accomplish something, at least one thing, each day.